My philosophy on baby’s needs

Babies are going to be fussy about something sometime in their lives. It’s their way of letting us know that things aren’t right in the world for them. When Precious would fuss, sometimes I would just look at her and say “What?” My checklist was this: hungry, tired, wet, cold, warm, gassy, change position, etc. I thought I had covered the bases, but I was still at a loss. I fed her some more. She had a lot of spit up. And then, I learned about Elimination Communication.

As humans, we have needs that must somehow be met. Getting rid of waste is one of these needs. Babies need to eliminate, and they prefer to do it outside of a diaper, I promise. They will squirm, kick, grunt, make weird faces, anything to get across that they are about to let go. They depend on their caregiver to see these signals and get them somewhere where they can eliminate without having to wear it.

When we aren’t aware of these signals, and we ignore them, the child learns to ignore them and use the diaper as a toilet. This usually happens by six months old, when children “calm down” or start exploring so much that they ignore this need.

I have a theory that “high needs” children are really children who have a hard time adjusting to eliminating in a diaper. They’re doing everything they can to let us know, but we don’t know what to do for them. Precious was one of these babies. She had “colic” and cried constantly at times. Exhausted, I gave her a pacifier when she was only three days old. She speedily took it, and the swing was our best friend.

Letting Bubby use the potty has opened up a whole new spectrum of my baby’s needs to me. I no longer think it is okay to let my child poop or pee in a diaper. For me, meeting his needs means that I let him eliminate where it is most comfortable for him. When he starts grunting and squirming in his car seat, I think about how I would feel if I needed to poop and someone was making me sit in a seat instead. Therefore, I ask New Daddy to stop the car, and I let Bubby go where it is comfortable for him.

I realize that most Americans don’t view babies this way, and they think they don’t have time to let babies eliminate outside a diaper. A well-meaning relative was even complaining at Thanksgiving that I needed to “let him be a baby.” I respectfully pointed out to her that he is like Indian babies, African babies, and all of the other babies that have existed before diapers were invented.

My goal is not to have my baby “potty trained” by a certain age. My goal is simply to meet his needs and make him happy. If he is happy peeing in his diaper, I let him go, and change him immediately. If he is letting me know that he’d prefer to pee in the potty (or in the grass or in the bathtub :P), I take off his diaper and let him go outside of it. This approach does not involve forcing my baby to sit on a potty. It is truly child-led potty training.

I adopted this attitude when Bubby went through his post-vaccine potty pause. I realized that it was pointless to stress myself out about him using the potty. If he was happy to go in his diaper, let him! I realized that I was there to assist, not force. After I realized this and gained a more adventurous mindset, the potty pause faded, he started signaling beautifully, and I was reading his cues just as well! Now, on a typical day at home, we usually go through two or three diapers, and a those are generally little gas-poop streaks and the occasional missed pee.

For me, my motherly conscience is appeased, knowing that I’m doing the best thing for my baby that I know to do. I believe that by facilitating his elimination needs, I am closer to meeting his complete spectrum of needs. In return, he rewards me with coos and beautiful smiles that tell me I am the best mommy for him!

References:
Infant Potty Training by Laurie Boucke
BornPottyTrained.com