Our version of "If you give a mouse a cookie...", AKA the story of our past year of yard work

If you want to finish a downstairs bathroom...

You'll want to have the septic tank pumped before you open that magical toilet hole, AKA the lowest sewage exit of the house, conveniently located in the slab floor... Can you find it nestled close to that picturesque vacuum cleaner hose?

And when you pump the septic, they'll inform you that the birch tree that shades the southwest-and-hottest side of the house (because it's too close to the house) has roots that are trying to grow into the septic tank...

And before you can cut down the birch, one of those pesky, invasive Bradford pear trees will split, which convinces you to raze the entire back yard...

And also take out the Bradford pear in the side yard... Which means that while you're there, you may as well rip out the shrubs that were always growing above the downstairs windows...

 

Uncle J comes over to take out the birch (that is obviously too close to the house), after you've dismantled the kids' tree house... <cue the tears>

 

Eventually, you'll burn or grind everything...

Which gives you lots of mulch, ashes, and firewood...

Next year, you'll re-landscape the side of the house with shade-loving ferns... maybe a bird bath soon?...

(at night, because it's too hot to do anything during the day)

And when you're shopping for ferns at the Grower's Outlet, you'll find some fun Carolina Sapphire cypress trees to shade the driveway and give the front a little privacy...

You'll plant okra, watermelon, and arugula in the old birch burn pile near the house (because remember that the tree was too close to the house, but its burn pile is in perfect proximity to the house for a little garden plot)...

Figs are looking fantastic after a winter pruning...

And now the back yard looks like this...

Except that we scored some free canna lilies on Monday from our friendly veggie-start people and planted them that evening alongside the gray shelter, before the rain from Tropical Storm Danny watered them in...

To be continued... until the millennium, I'm sure...